I Built the Lego Set and I Regret It!

Have you ever found yourself jumping in to “help” your child, only to realize later that you may have done too much? I’ve been there—many times. It’s natural for us parents to want to ensure our kids succeed. We tell them, "You can do anything you put your mind to!" because we believe in them and want to boost their confidence. But what if our focus on success is actually holding them back?

Let me take you back to a moment in my parenting journey. When my youngest was around seven, he was obsessed with two things: Legos and Star Wars. For his birthday, we got him a Star Wars spaceship Lego set, and he was thrilled. But when I opened the box and saw a direction booklet the size of Webster’s Dictionary and what looked like ten million tiny Lego pieces, I panicked. There’s no way he can do this by himself.

I watched him struggle for about 10 minutes before I stepped in to “help.” That help turned into me spending three hours assembling the entire spaceship while he ran off to play with his friends. When he returned, there it was—a perfectly built Lego ship. Success, right? Not really. That ship sat on his shelf for a year, untouched. He had no ownership over it. No investment. No sense of accomplishment. If I could go back, I’d simply hand him the box and say, "Have fun!" and walk away. If he got frustrated, I’d acknowledge his struggle and offer encouragement—because the struggle is the most valuable part of the process.

In our drive to ensure our kids succeed—whether in academics, sports, or social life—we sometimes rob them of the ability to struggle, problem-solve, and persist. And yet, it’s those very skills that will serve them best in life. Success should never be the goal—resilience should.

So, here’s my challenge to you: Let them struggle. Resist the urge to step in too soon. Celebrate effort over outcomes.

And if you’re feeling stuck on how to do that, let’s talk!

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