Sending your child off to college for the first time is a milestone that can stir up a whirlwind of emotions. You’re proud of the young adult they’ve become, excited for their new adventures, and perhaps a little nostalgic for the days when they were small enough to fit in your arms. But amid all that, there’s also a fair share of anxiety. Will they make friends? Will they manage their time well? Will they call home, or will you be left staring at your phone, waiting for a text that never comes? Read on to learn how to best support your college-bound child without overdoing it!
First, let me assure you, your mixed feelings are completely normal. After all, this is a big transition—not just for your child, but for you as well. The house will feel a little emptier, the daily routine a bit quieter, and you will find yourself aching for the things that used to drive you bonkers. (Think towels on the floor, loud music, and bedrooms whose mess defies description.) But as you navigate this new chapter, there are ways to support your child without being overbearing and to help both of you thrive during this transition.
Stay Connected Without Hovering
One of the biggest challenges for many parents is finding that sweet spot between staying connected and giving your child the space to grow. You want to know how they’re doing, but you also don’t want to be that parent who texts every hour asking if they’ve eaten. Or, who posts on the college Facebook page for your freshman questions like, "Can someone with an outgoing kid send them over to my child's dorm room? My child said they are homesick and I'm worried about them not making any friends."
A good rule of thumb is to set up a regular check-in schedule that works for both of you. Maybe it’s a Sunday night phone call or a midweek text exchange. This gives your child the freedom to explore their new environment without feeling micromanaged but still provides a consistent touchpoint for connection. Better yet, ask your child how they prefer to stay in touch and set up realistic expectations with them BEFORE they go.
Keep in mind that your child is on a huge and steep learning curve. For many, this is a year of firsts. First time living alone. First time having to make new friends in a very long time. First time keeping themselves fed. First time being in complete control of their schedule. And, for some, the first time doing their own laundry. (This deserves a whole new blog post, don't get me started!)
Navigating Common Challenges
The first few weeks (or even months) of college can be a rollercoaster of emotions for your child. They may not make friends right away, or they might feel homesick. And sometimes, they might struggle academically, especially if the workload is heavier than what they’re used to.
If your child expresses that they’re having trouble making friends, just listen. Resist the urge to swoop in and fix it with a bunch of ideas and suggestions. Better yet, say something empathetic like, "I'm sorry you're feeling this way, I know how hard it can be to make new friends." Then ask them what THEY think THEY might do about it to improve their situation. If it's appropriate and true, you could also share your own story if you had similar struggles.
Homesickness is another common issue, and it can be tough to see your child struggling with it. Once again, the key here is to be empathetic without rushing to fix it. Listen to their concerns, validate their feelings, and remind them that it’s okay to miss home while also being excited about their new experiences. Over time, they’ll likely find a balance between the two.
When it comes to academics, some students find the transition to college-level work challenging. This is actually a really common experience. I can't tell you how many parents have said to me, "I just don't get it, they were a straight A student in all AP classes in high school." Unfortunately, crushing high school academics may get you into college, but then the playing field gets not just leveled, it's demolished. These young adults will be asked to learn and show what they know in a whole new way, and for may, this is extremely confronting and may shake self-esteem. Your job? Don't sound the alarm bells and don't get alarmed. It's all part of the journey. With the proper support and encouragement, your child will begin to figure it all out and the better grades should follow. Always give it back to them and encourage them to find their own solutions.
As your child embarks on this new journey, it’s natural to worry. But remember, you’ve prepared them for this. They have the tools they need to succeed, and while there will be bumps along the way, these experiences will help them grow into resilient, capable adults.
And don’t forget—you’re still an important part of their life, even from afar. Your love, support, and guidance will continue to be a source of strength for them as they navigate the ups and downs of college life.
So, take a deep breath, trust in the foundation you’ve built, and embrace this new chapter. It’s an exciting time, not just for your child, but for you as well. You’ve done your job well, and now it’s time to watch them soar.
P.S. If you find yourself needing more support, let's chat!
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